The Guard do best when they’re shooting down the enemy with massed ranks of infantry and blowing them apart with volleys from huge fuck-off tanks.
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To paraphrase Gunnery Sergeant Hartman in Full Metal Jacket: “Guardsmen die. In a galaxy full of seven-foot-tall giants in power armor, transdimensional berserker demons, and Egyptian cyborg skeletons, the Imperial Guard is a bunch of average Joes with rifles, bayonets, and a dream: to drown the enemy in a sea of their broken, bloody bodies. Second, these are not all the factions in the game–the bulk of the rest will come in the next article. Two notes before we dive into the factions: first, I don’t have the rulebooks for all these armies, so I’m speaking generally about their character and abilities. If you haven’t read my journey toward loving Nurgle and the Death Guard, you can read that here. I think it’s most important to choose an army that excites you, either because their playstyle fits yours, the lore fascinates you, or their units look awesome. Likewise, a normal person may look at Tyranids and immediately feel disgusted, whereas most sociopaths actively enjoy the idea of swarming their opponents with hordes of eyeless monsters.
One person may look at Space Marines and see bland sci-fi beefcakes, while another might get excited by their Darth Vader helmets and cool pauldrons. Choosing a faction in Warhammer 40K is sort of like taking a Rorschach test.
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